The following three stories really happened. None of the names have been changed and the guilty parties are A-OK with sharing.
One night recently, getting ready to fall asleep, Marissa whispered something in my ear that I had to ask her to repeat. I was so appalled that I got up and brushed my teeth a second time. This is what she said: "Your breath smells like kibble."
I had no idea the cat had joined us and was giving Marissa gentle kisses.
Even more recently, I was sitting at our computer working on this very blog. Marissa said, "Are you done eating yet, you pig?" I looked at the glass of sweet tea I'd just finished and felt guilt and shame wash over my face. Sheepishly, I looked to Marissa for an explanation. She was quietly and contentedly reading a magazine. "What did you just say?" I couldn't possibly believe she'd said what I'd heard but she had. I just didn't realize her audience.
Again, the cat had entered the room without my knowledge.
This third tale does not involve the cat. I promise. In fact, it could have been its own post titled "New Budgeting Tool 2."
Tonight, I was updating our check register and asked Marissa if she had any receipts in her purse. She did. So I sauntered off to the closet to retrieve her purse. While she dug for them, I poured myself a glass of water. When I turned around, she had what I thought were two fistfuls of spent dollars (that's the title to a Clint Eastwood sequel in which The Man With No Name takes on his personal credit card debt with a six-shooter). She immediately exclaimed, "Wow! We sure can wipe our butts for less!" Thinking the obvious, to me at least, I turned red from embarrassment. I'm willing to do what it takes to make ends meet but surely there's something less drastic to be done than trading our Charmin for cleared store receipts. Of course, that's not at all what Marissa intended.
It turns out she had only one fistful of spent dollars. The other held a stack of coupons for toilet paper.
Moral: All of these stories created moments of great, loud laughter in our house once the truth was uncovered. However, we've also learned to get the context of what each other is saying before assuming we understand.